| Friday, September 7th, 2007 |
| 11:37 am |
I HAVE NEVER CHANGED in my entire existance I have always been what I am now. its not always a bad thing and the same goes for a good thing I am seperate from people. I just don;t get along with them I just am not part of there world, not a social animal. if u talk to me I will listen and respond but heaven forbid I talk first or at least thats how it seems. I am smart and can raise up and destroy any idea sent my way. for nothing is perfect and I am a adiment believer in that. I don;t have time. I need time I say 6 more hours in a day. 2 more for sleep two for work and 2 for me to do with as I choose. but in this world in this over abunance of technology and rush I am not allowed to enjoy life. AND IT FUCKING SUCKS. no one reads this so hello random nothing that will see this. I just have a bunch of tension which goes ;lkagdjhvb rodp;ieguhv lnsdjzkhAref gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. so ttyl? proabaly cuz you'll be here. |
| Saturday, July 7th, 2007 |
| 12:11 am |
There is always a choice. weather it be left or right there is a choice. I don;t think there is never a choice, just some horrible and horredeous options that some people won;t consider of concieve. theres always a choice. computers work the same way with 1 and 0. which is eqivilent to yes and no because and question can be broken down into several yes or no questions. okay for example whats your favorite color can be broken into is green your favorite color? is red your favorite color? is magenta your favorte color? is black your favorite color? ..... and so on and so forth well no one read that but eventually someone might. so next action to speak of. so I was thinking lets get to nothing oh ravenous pigeons will attack olfers that do not live by the code. the dress code of my putting green. which has the do with plaid pands and sweater vest and other such thing which I have choosen not to disclose at this moment if you wish to know comment. becky might also know the details if she remembers cuz we were high on corn. lol. don;t ask. |
| Thursday, March 8th, 2007 |
| 11:34 pm |
Thanks Stacey for the surveys
Your Dominant Intelligence is Interpersonal Intelligence
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You shine in your ability to realate to and understand others.
Good at seeing others' points of view, you get how people think and feel.
You have an uncanny ability to sense true feelings, intentions, and motivations.
A natural born leader, you are great at teaching and mediating conflict.
You would make a good counselor, salesperson, politician, or business person.
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You Are Spider-Man
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Quick and agile, you have killer instincts (literally).
And that kind of makes up for the whole creepy spider thing.
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The Part of You That No One Sees
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You are compassionate, caring, and soothing.
You like other people to depend on you...
In fact, you don't feel right unless you are helping someone out.
Underneath it all, you feel the burden of everyone's problems.
Without your guidance, you fear that many people's worlds would fall apart.
You like to feel in charge, even if it brings you a lot of stress.
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Your Love Element Is Water
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In love, you connect deeply and commit totally.
For you, love is all about taking risks and moving into unknown territory.
You attract others with courage and confidence.
Your flirting style is defined by your flexibility and ability to adapt.
Nurturing and shared learning are the cornerstones of your love life.
And while you may jump in to love too quickly, you always come out the wiser for it.
You connect best with: Metal
Avoid: Earth
You And another Water element: will pull each other down into a dark place
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| Wednesday, February 21st, 2007 |
| 7:24 am |
| Your Brain is Blue | 
Of all the brain types, yours is the most mellow.
You tend to be in a meditative state most of the time. You don't try to think away your troubles.
Your thoughts are realistic, fresh, and honest. You truly see things as how they are.
You tend to spend a lot of time thinking about your friends, your surroundings, and your life. |
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| Tuesday, February 13th, 2007 |
| 10:24 am |
well figures I should do it hmm 1 I work at market in the square's meat department. its not that bad but cleaning gets redundant 2 I have a fantastic girlfriend and wish she was here right now 3 I haven;t written in or about a story in a long time. because well i have no time. 4 I work till 8pm most days of the week except sundays and now normally tuesdays and thursdays so if anyone is like amazingly bored and has free time those days and wants to do something. HELLO I am chris and is bored. 5 I should be doing homework but haha who does that and also I might resign my calc class I just don;t seem to be getting it. |
| Tuesday, February 6th, 2007 |
| 12:51 pm |
maybe the world has changed. I though that maybe I was right at saying that. but it hasn;t it never does people make the same mistakes look in the wrong places, and get angry at it. apparently many people are quite angry at someone that they once cared or cared about. they curse their name and there stupidity. but I hate to say this if you like someone ask them the fuck out. drop your ridiculous stereotypical bull shit that men should do it. because women men ARE FUCKING SLOW. and secondly mist men are looking for a quick hook up then a relationship. because relationships take time and effort. and honestly making out or having sex is alot easier. men are stupid for the most part. now I am not insulting all guys because yes there are some out there that genuinely care, but there the ones ladies that are either over looked or they ignore they have feelings because they assume they have no chance. guys also tend to run away from there problems. why because its easier to run and every relationship has its problems. some are just the stupidiest shit others have bigger ones. those relationships should end if you can't resolve the the issue. such as if the issue is trust. everyone should know by now that boys have more then one friend that is a girl and girls have more then one guy that is there friend so there has to be trust in that the person is with you and no one else. The best thing to do is to clarify what being boy friend and girl friend mean in the begining. because some people means your dating exclusively and other not. you have to know what the other person thinks. and if you aren;t exclusive you have no right to be angry if they go out and make out with someone, because thats what you applied for. and if you would be then you should tell them you want exclusivity. the reason behind writing this is because of the other entries of friends. we worry about things that don;t matter and we are bitter. bitter over break ups and missed chances when there is no reason to. breakups happen for a reason, don';t be angry accept you were not a good match or ready for that level of commitment. lost chances unfortunately I have to say are your own fault because someone else beat you to the punch. you should of asked them out. It sucks becuase you have to put you heart on the line and its your most closely gaurded possession but you have to risk it dropping every once in a while. its stronger then you think. rejection is normal. "if you never fail then you never succeeded." Current Mood: intrinsic |
| Saturday, January 13th, 2007 |
| 12:14 pm |
| Your Element Is Air | 
You dislike conflict, and you've been able to rise above the angst of the world.
And when things don't go your way, you know they'll blow over quickly.
Easygoing, you tend to find joy from the simple things in life.
You roll with the punches, and as a result, your life is light and cheerful.
You find it easy to adapt to most situations, and you're an open person.
With you, what you see is what you get... and people love that!
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it seems my definate element is air. almost every quiz I take I get the same result air flying or the similar.. so I am an easy going and am everywhere. and everybody needs me to survive. YAY |
| Wednesday, January 10th, 2007 |
| 9:11 am |
Hi everyone I am alive and its 9 o'chlock. gah this is lunacy. the things one does for love. |
| Tuesday, January 9th, 2007 |
| 10:59 am |
To be here I might as well update or something. SO I got the book in which I wanted to go and get for the continuation of the story I was writting. The vampire story I was writting I need an idea of what to happen next. I was thinking about having him go to a club and finding its run by a vampire house. then I need some ideas for like tasks or jobs that he could preform to give the story some basis in reality. also I don;t know what to make the key stressor in the story should be I have him looking for his love in the story but I need a few ub plot or distractions from his key quest. SO if you have any ideas no matter how dumb I need to here them., I can work with anything you give me. Hey I GOt another idea. if you want to become a charac`ter tell me about yourself you want in the book. I'll need like a name, a race you can be like anything also I would need to ask you a few questions about your condition and also where you would hang out so I can work your character into the story. so if any of yous have any idea please share. |
| Tuesday, November 14th, 2006 |
| 11:14 am |
why does this breath still flow freely from my lips in and out in and out what reason o I have to be? what is my purpose? God do you dare to answer or do you cower still in fear as you always do Look at me show me some reaction show me some compassion please I beg of you World why do you spin the same circles year after year? why do I exist year after year? I don;t need to exist I haven't felt my purpose call to me. I haven't ever felt complete I haven't ever been free from this nagging anxiety WHY I cry in my hollow mind searching and searching never to find WHY I beg and claw at hoping or a response even if its no WHY do I feel this way as if the world is a joke a fabled effigy of reason. WHy is it that I can understand the world but yet know nothing. Be a pawn but have the power of a king. Why do I get up each day and continue this slow crawl to the grave. I will die never having met death. I have no fear of death but is life I fear. I have never lived since those days of child like naivete. But I have died already rotting way in this animate corpse waiting for true death or life to ensue. I HAVE NEVER LIVED AND I ONLY FEAR NOT KNOWING WHY I HAVEN'T |
| Tuesday, October 10th, 2006 |
| 11:42 am |
Do you ever underestimate your own ability well off course you do it is just human nature. Human nature is such an excuse for the things we do. Its in our nature were suppose to do it and yet we have desecrated anything remotely close to our own nature. We refused nature oh so long ago with our ideas of superiority to it. We have been shunned by that which exists most bountiful. There is no recourse for our abandonment of nature. We no longer walk among the beasts or understand them as we once did. We cast them aside as tools to further our own gain. We have no need for these fancy things of electricity and batteries. Life exists to end and we fight that with all our might. Our mighty technology can only delay the inevitable, but what use is it? when we waste only use our time to gain more time. Its an unending cycle of living to have time to life. No one lives any more; we all just exist never smart enough to enjoy life. We can’t sit in silence and look around is unnatural to be doing nothing. We label such acts as lazy and boring. But why? There is more to life then getting something accomplished, there is more to enjoy then getting more and more material goods. Yes I know the idea is redundant but no one listens to it. And you won’t now. You have to find your own realization it can’t be handed to you or maybe it can. But you have to find it no one else can. |
| Sunday, October 8th, 2006 |
| 11:23 pm |
I so wanted to stay with her. I felt my spirit like ache to leave my body as I stepped into the car to leave her. I was driving away and I could still feel her lips and as my eyes closed and each time they did I felt almost as if I was kissing her. I didn't want to leave and I want her to b here with me but I am now forced to obstainfrom her and her beauty. I looked at her and thought to myself why was anything so beautiful created, why is something so magnificent spending there time with me/ but I didn't dwell on it Ijust revealed in the fact it ws happening. |
| Thursday, October 5th, 2006 |
| 11:21 am |
You wanna know something. I am losing interest in working. I really am like fine with the work but I have no free time any more. and I kinda hate it. I mean I do well with the school work and the working but i am not like happy about all of it. I mean school wowho way to go. I am doing fine not bad at all. I mean 88 on pysch bio is good. math I did bad at but we drop the lowest test. english needs some more work and I need to get more time to work on my paintings. I just don't get what I am doing wrong with my paintings. I also take so long to do them and I still don't like them. I feel like my work looks childish and can't get over that. I'm not learning anything in that class. hes not teaching us anything just basically telling us what to do to make the work better and I don't know how. I mean I hear what he says and understand but nothing happens to fix it. WHY DO I SUCK AT LIFE. idk if I can take all of it. but I want the money because I wanna be able to pay for college and not have my parents pay for some and then get screwed when I get out of school. I just don't know. I mean my parents would be fine if I quit working but I wouldn't. well I got to get into stding I really need to. I need to find time to work but I got classes everyday and then working till like 8pm each day doesn't leave much time. idk maybe I was just meant to fail at life. probly god has fucked with me the whole time. I love psychology idk why. I just like people I mean I never see any and I rarely talk but when II am included in the gruop even if just listening to people talk I learn I understand. its amazing. lifes a game of people and psychology will help me to win. lol or at least survive. I don't think I am cut out for college. I mean if I was doing both college and high school I would be fine. but I'm not. I hate college the whole scheduling kills me, I need to be in school longer then this. I need a high school sturcture and thats not going to happen again. damn you fucked up world. college is suppose to be great but it isn't. I am never going to have the best years of my life till I'm like old. like a thousand cuz I'll live that long. and so I am really feeling overwhelmed. and idk what to do about it. I just don't know. anyone can help? can anyone help? |
| Tuesday, September 19th, 2006 |
| 9:54 pm |
there are some days I just shouldn't speak retreat and be normal for a bit but I can't I keep running my mouth and my hand won;t come up to stop my speak I guess I'm reaping who I am I hate being me and all that I am people keep telling me that I can't say a word with out critisize someone I can't stand up or shut up when I need to. why do I have to be so I'm a damn waste of space why do I need to breath all I do each day is ponder sittin here wonder why I should be when I feel so lost |
| Saturday, September 9th, 2006 |
| 4:32 am |
are we not mortals on this livid planet of life each once time caomes to past but alas the fading memory of yester day haunts the present apparatus Our ability to move forward impair by our ability to stand still. when run from all we need with wishful desires and hopes in transitent dreams of immortality. |
| Thursday, September 7th, 2006 |
| 11:22 am |
Ever have that tickling sensation on the back of your neck that screams for you to get up and run, Screaming RUN but you sit still allowing the goosebumps to run over your body supressing that feeling that insticnt to nothingness and just sit there with nothing to do. WHY don't we run our body thinks it would be fun it wants to move it told us so. why do we contain it. what is wrong with letting it break free why do we not want to be free? we supressinstincts that tell us to free ourselves. we hold back what we need to say wait to do what we need to do but never lets our grip this so called self control slip. WHY? |
| Thursday, August 31st, 2006 |
| 11:14 pm |
NO BODY EVER READS WHAT THEY DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT (JUST TURN AWAY)
i REALLY DON'T KNOW WHY LOST IN A SEA OF CONSCIOUS VISION LOST IN THIS LAST BALLAD OF LUST. i CAN'T DISCUSS THE FEELINGS i FEEL CAUSE IF i TRY TO i COULD NEVER TAKE IT BACK AND i CAN;T BECAUSE THOSE THAT NEED TO HEARD IT i CAN'T TELL. BUT WHO THE FUCK CARES THEY NEVER READ THIS ANY WAY BUT i WON'T NAME NAME BUT FOR SOME REASON i'M PISSED. SO LET SEE HOW IT GOES THIS IS WHAT i FEEL WHO THE FUCK KNOWS IF THIS IS REAL. i WANT TO BE FUCKING FREE GOD DAMN DISRUPTIVE HARMONY MY MIND HAS BEEN RUNNING FREE. i KEEOP ON HAVING DELUSIONAL THOUGHTS NO ACTUALLY i HAVEN'T LIKE IT HAS GIVIN UP BUT i HAVE AS IF MY MIND HAS LET THE THOUGHT OF HAPPINESS NO FUCK THAT LETS SPEAK THE TRUTH i AM FUCKIN SICK OF WAITING FOR LOVE i LOOK AROUND ME AND i CAN'T SAY i'VE HAD ENOUGH BUT i WISH i COULD JUST WONDER WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING THROUGH MY MIND THIS STUPID DUMB SUBLIMINAL MIND FUCK THAT HAD CONSTANTLY PLAYED WITH ME DAY AND NIGHT HAS FINALLY WON i CAN'T HOLD ON ANY MORE. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE FUCK i AM TRYING TO GRASP ANY MORE i THINK IT WAS LOVE BUT MY MIND IS STARTING TO THINK JUST TO GIVE UP AND GO FIND MYSELF A DOOR TO WALK THROUGH THAT MAY NEVER LET ME BACK IN. i THOGHT ABOUT PREIST HOOD FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A LITERAL SENSE FOR THE FIRST TIME WAITING FOR THIS ;LOVE YTHAT ALL THESE PEOPLE SAY THAT ONE DAY i WILL GET WELL i THINK THAT THIS DAY WILL NEVER COME i CAN'T BELIEVE i STILL GIVE A FLYING FUCK GOD DAMN THE MAN IN MY HEAD WHY THE HELL CAN'T HE BE DEAD. i JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY i WANT TO HAVE THIS STUPID LOVE GOD i KNOW ITS WORTH IT BUT WHERE THE WHY THE FUCK DOES IT MATTER i KNOW THAT THE EREST OF MY LIFE WILL BE LEFT ALONE i GUESS IT WILL JUST BE MY FUEL FOR THE LYROCAL TOUNGE. FUCK THEW LYRICAL TOUNGE i ONLY WISH THAT i COULD GIVE U MY DAYS OF WRITING FOR SOME TIME OF HAPPINESS. i AIN'T HAPPY BUT i'M NOT ITS LIKE ABOVE CONTENT BUT i HAVE NO CLUE WHAT THE FUCK HAPPINESS MAY BE i JUST WANT MY HUMAN SIDE TO FINALLY SUCCEED FROM ME CAUSE AS SOON AS IT DOES THEN i WOULD BE FREE AND HAPPY i KNOW YOU PEOPLE DON'T SEE OR UNDERSTAND HOW THAT IS [OSSIBLE BUT THE ONLY THING HOLDING ME BACK IS WANTING LOVE AND CARING ABOUT HAPPINESS GOD DAMN HUMN KIND FOR THIS STUPID WEAKNESS i HAVE NO HOPE IN FINDING LOVE ANY MORE i WILL TRY AND EXCOMMUNICATED THAT IDEA FROM ME. i DON'T WANT IT ANY MORE. i DON'T WANT IT ANYMORE i WANT EVERY ONE TO RESPECT ME NOTHING MORE COME AT ME AS YOU WISH i REFUSE TO GIVE IN AND LOOK BACK ON MY REGRET i AM GOING TO BE FREE i AM GOING TO TRY AND KILL THE HUMAN SIDE OF ME GO AWAY FROM ALL THAT WAS THOUGHT TO BE ME AND EVOLV O WHAT i WAS ORIGIONALLY INTENDED TO BE. a DAM N PROPHET A FUCKING MESSANGER MENT TO SPEAK OUTHOPING SOMEONE WILL HEAR THESE WORDS. PEOPLE RUN AWAY FROM ME. |
| Wednesday, August 30th, 2006 |
| 2:39 pm |
Is it alright to st up by the phone all night waiting for that one phone call you know will never come to sit up waiting hopeing that fate will take that leap tonight as you see there screen name pop up they would say they would say hello that one of your keys to slip and you send them that message you write thats never to be sent but your hand never slips that everytime the see you they wold run up with a hug and a kiss or as they see you they tell you your missed and want to be with you but the action never comes and the words are never spoke and you just wont loosen your lips and let the words slip or you can't say how you feel because the pain is just to real that you were to late and they already had plans or a date see what happens when we wait or don;t do want we know is right never run and hide from what you know in your heart to be right but if to late keep quiet and let the ONE's peace or happiness go on. you will always have memories of happiness from the past. |
| Monday, August 28th, 2006 |
| 9:10 pm |
Bring life back to me. give it back. I had given no one permission to take it. give it back you. you stupid world. I lied awake last night and it hit me hard. this realization that life goes down hill. I mean my parents have few friends they see except those that they work with, but at least they have each other. and as I lied away I asked myself what did I have? I only answered I've got no one. I mean if I live for very long I will grow up and away from my parents house. and then I will have almost no one. I mean I will see a few people I think. I mean I would go to matts shows and see some people there and maybe court and beck would call me every blue moon but beyond that I am going to be lost. how do I fix this I asked? I laughed at myself then and said what is there to fix? you have friends, oh you want someone will I'm sorry but that is your personality flaw. yeah you think that with all the smarts you got that wouldn' be hard to do but thats what you made your wall around. so have fun trying to topple it. I looked at the wall and I did a good job. I've isolated myself from new people I don't have to deal with. damn walls made out of titanium as well. I did a really good job well I guess I better get to work. |
| Thursday, August 24th, 2006 |
| 9:57 pm |
I am going to write right now and see what comes out maybe I could start with something random so it seems like me. I hate being green. I
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